I am back over here because something was wrong today.
when I woke up,-/
It was too much for me to be away.
Away from the house where people carry fish pieces, torn in half, over from the big table in the center island of the kitchen, out the back door, past the yard and into the lake. I hope that theres nobody there swimming but of course there is. Im sorry. ignore the fish. I don’t know how this keeps happening.
In the water I can wash my hands. the feeling sticks to me that I am a whirlpool and that the carcass will end up against my skin again.
The fish was for eating someone says. He’s in the water next to me.
“Do you know how expensive it was?”
I didnt know. I did wonder why there was a massive dead fish sitting on the table. When I tried to bring it back to the lake is when it torn in half, spilling pieces everywhere.
One piece floats up in front of us now.
“take this back so we can have it with dinner. someone will have to buy something else.”
I grab the bit of fish, about the size of my arm. Maybe I didnt properly describe earlier the size of the entire fish. it was large enough to tear itself apart, when balanced on a shoulder. into pieces that had to be picked up and carried one by one back into the lake.
And now I undo my folly. Just a bit. Bringing the piece back over to the kitchen where a man is leaning on the counter drinking a beer.
“You gotta get the rest of it”
I dont know where it is in the lake.
” well we need meat.”
okay. I can figure that out.
he carefully lifts and lowers the fish piece onto the already hot pan and it starts to sizzle.
I leave out the back door again, facing the lake. More men have joined the one in the water. they’re yelling and swimming too.
Where’ the car? Why did I even go out the back? But I dont want to have to deal with him again. I go around the side of the house, moving far enough away to see the whole side profile. I forget how large it is. The second floor juts out a little bit more than I realized before, hanging over the back porch and creating a corridor to slip unnoticed right underneath. There are many elements which I still don’t understand about this shape. On the inside it is just large rooms. The kitchen connects to a dining area which connects to a back room too. Everything is open like a hotel.
But then the outside looks almost as if it’s pretending to be older, not in the details… Up close, everything is blocky and clean. Concrete, metal and glass. But when I move further back I see little bits jutting out to make the rooms. I notice all of these separations that you can’t see on the inside. Almost as if it were put together in pieces, then smoothed over, then sharpened again and again.
I’m distracted. They were asking me to get meat. I need the car if I’m gonna drive anywhere. In the front driveway, there are people standing and talking. Hey, have any of you guys seen the car?
“Which car? We were dropped off.”
I had my car. It’s how I got here.
“I’m sorry I dont know I just got here. But how are you? It’s been so long!”
Im sorry I accidentally fucked something up. Ill catch up soon though.
I dont really care at this point where I end up. Theres no siewalk so I walk on the road. Someone must’ve taken my car on an errand or something. Which is fine I guess.
I dont think any of then have a way to reach me. So I’ll just walk for now until I figure out what to do. There wont be a shop. I know that. We are nowhere. There is nothing here. Everything has been emptied out and terraformed over. Long drivereways and hedgess obscure any sight. Someone must live here somewhere. I can see the tips of houses peeking up over the landscaping. And gates that I’m assuming can open.
It’s the party now. What did you guys do about the fish? I think you need dinner. No? Okay.
The house feels far more full. I dont know when these people got here, if they were submerged in the water, wating for the sound of music to bring them to land. Lights and dance. The house in an engine, propelling everyone to the morning. Did I hear someone say my name? No I dont think they would do that. Must’ve been someone else.
The mess was made. The engine has stopped. Bodies lay slumped on every surface. Healing the wounds from the night before. Something is wrong. Not just the surface level wrong but something deeper lingering.
I dont remember I can’t remember it’s-
Screaming at the top of his lungs as he finishes the last drop.
I dont remember more I-
I’m in a parking lot and he’s telling me to come forward. I notice the locks on the gates keeping us in.
Can we just go home?
Oh no I forget. It is not my home. It’s his. But still I say
Can we just go home?
” Yeah one second”
